On Saturday 30 September Lucy Turner, founder of Still Parents, joined fellow panelists Jamilla Hussain, Silvan Lulley and Will Young for a discussion around how we talk about grief. It was part of the Leeds International Festival of Ideas, an annual festival that brings together leading thinkers, writers, artists and experts from various fields.

The panel discussion explored how grief can evolve during our lives, with stories of loss and looking at the importance of talking.

Each of the panellists brought their own perspectives and considered the multiple ways people react to loss, why we mourn for those we’ve never met, how grief affects living relationships, and the ways we can support loved ones with their grief.

Lucy shared her experiences of baby loss and how in 2019 she launched a programme called Still Parents motivated by her own experiences. Still Parents was born from a lack of choice in support after the loss of a baby. Often the only option being the traditional support groups where the the focus is on talking and reliving the raw details of an experience over and over again. Lucy was compelled to create something that she would have wanted in the hope it might be what others want too. Still Parents uses art and creativity as a way to work through experiences of loss and grief. The artist led workshop programme allows parents to explore their individual experiences, alongside others that understand, in a productive and creative way.

Once each panellist had shared their personal experiences and expertise it was time to open up the floor with questions from the audience. Many questions were asked and people were grateful that a space had been created for the conversations around grief and loss to be opened up.

The top five takeaways were from the discussions were:

Grief is not linear. We can grieve for years before someone/something has gone and we can grieve for years afterwards.

A lot of people feel guilt after a loss. It is important to understand that it is very natural. 

There is no right way of grieving. It is alright to do everything your way.

Grief can drive a wedge through relationships, so it is really important to communicate and try to find a way of compromising. 

There should not be a judgment about who you are grieving over. And no expectations on when you have to stop grieving.

For more information and for details on how to get support visit the LIFI23 website